It seemed as though our good karma was finally paying dividends. On the day of our arrival to the Himalayan town of Leh, there in my inbox (after two weeks of no wifi connectivity in the region) an unexpected email awaited me. Beardz and I had made it off the waitlist and were accepted into a ten-day Vipassana mediation course that started the following week. A sensation of panic instantly began to form in the pit of my stomach. I had been curious about mediation for a while and during our four months in India, we had met several people who spoke highly of their Vipassana experience. The rules were simple, yet intimidating AF. No interaction with the outside world, no drugs or intoxicants, no physical contact, no lying, no killing and absolutely no talking at all. For TEN DAYS. We had casually applied a month earlier without much thought or hope that we would get accepted due to the popularity of the course, but now we were actually in and the deadline to register was within the hour. In my flustered state, Beardstein took charge and quickly accepted the invite before we could loose wifi…or our balls.
We arrived at the Vipassana facility on my birthday, but my gift would take 10 long days to unwrap. Men and women reside in separate living quarters, so I said farewell to Beard and went to meet the ladies before we took our pledge of noble silence. After some chatting, chai and a brief orientation, it was time to shut up and get serious. Once the rules were explained and silence began, everyone suddenly grew weirdly solemn as we entered the meditation hall for our first session.
The daily schedule was as follows: 4:00 wakeup 4:30-6:30 meditation 6:30-7:00 breakfast 7:00-8:00 break (SLEEP!) 8:00-11:00 meditation 11:00-11:30 lunch 11:30-1:00 break (opportunity to ask questions about the technique) 1:00-5:00 meditation (with hourly breaks) 5:00-6:00 chai and light snack 6:00-7:00 meditation 7:15-8:30 nightly discourse 8:30-9:00 meditation 9:30 lights out Ok, I know it’s starting sound like we’d completely lost our sh*t and joined a cult. Two lost souls running away to find themselves in the Himalayas - the ultimate cliché. But the truth is we weren’t lost at all, just curious. We spend most of our lives interacting with the outside world and only superficially learning about ourselves through external experiences and how others perceive us. What would happen if we took ten days to look inside for a change? The idea behind Vipassana is that once one understands the language of their body and mind, it becomes clear what it needs to be happy. It is not a religious practice but rather a non-sectarian technique that should only be applied by those who learn the methods and find them to be beneficial. While many religions ask followers to accept a set of beliefs and/or laws based on ancient teachings and traditions, this philosophy teaches people to trust nothing aside from themselves and their personal experiences. So why not give it a try? The course was completely free with meals and accommodation provided so we really had nothing to lose and if all else failed we’d at least learn patience, discipline and how to sit in lotus for 9 hours. And did I mention that this was our view…not too shabby, eh?
I had always envisioned meditation to be really peaceful and calming and to an extent it is. But it’s also a lot of hard work that can be seriously exhausting. We spent the first three days of the course focusing only on the space below the nostrils and above the upper lip, observing the feeling of our breath and subtle sensations that pass through this small area. I’d never paid much attention to my breath before and now I was sitting for hours on end studying the feeling of respiration as though my life depended on it (get it?). But it’s incredible what goes on beneath your nostrils…ever changing sensations ranging from itchiness, pulsing, heat, coolness, tingling, and numbness (to name but a few) pass through this area constantly. How had I never noticed? On day four we were instructed to leave the nostrils and survey the sensations throughout our body starting from the head and working our way down to the toes. Growing tired of the nostril exercises, I was so excited to get to work on a new area and began focusing my attention on the sensations elsewhere. Throughout the day I was determined to experience every sensation in my body and by the afternoon meditation, I could feel strong vibrations flowing wildly through my torso. Suddenly, it was as though my top half of was detached from my waist and I was floating. How glorious! I couldn’t stop smiling for the rest of the day, but the next day when I tried to meditate, nothing happened. A few sensations here and there, but no longer the light and airy floating feeling that I’d experienced the day before. I tried not to be disappointed but lets face it, I was. I did everything exactly as I had the day before but it was no use. During our break, I went to ask Guruji (teacher) why I’d lost my power to float. He explained that the floating sensation I craved was not Vipassana and likely my imagination applying ideas of what I envisioned meditation to be rather than the actual sensations of my body. Instead of trying to feel something specific or setting goals to achieve, the point is just to let go and simply observe every sensation that passes through the body without craving “good” ones or hating the “bad” ones. Only through remaining neutral, without forming craving or attachment to any sensation, would I gain full control over my mind and reach a state of harmony within myself.
S.N. Goenka, responsible for globalizing Vipassana
To further explain Guruji’s advise, here’s a general overview of the Vipassana philosophy reintroduced to the world 2500 years ago by Siddhattha Gotama (aka the Buddha). Basically we (human beings) are all miserable. “But I’m so happy!” you say. I have a wonderful family, fantastic job, meaningful friendships, a house in the Hamptons and a pure bred Persian. That’s cute, but you’re still miz, and the cause of your despair is so deeply rooted in your subconscious mind that it has likely remained undetected. This said misery that plagues our lives comes in two forms: craving and aversion. Craving is that “I want” feeling that creeps up about a thousand times a day. From small cravings such as “I want ice cream, the newest iPhone and the entire Free People store” to larger ones such as “I want loads of money, people to think I’m smart/cool/funny and a boyfriend who’s more like that guy,” these thoughts only create longing and attachments which ultimately lead to unhappiness. Even when the cravings are “satisfied”, new ones form to continue the ongoing cycle of craving and, in turn, attachment. I may get the new iPhone, admiration of my peers and a dreamboat boyfriend, but the feeling of satisfaction is only temporary. A new craving soon arises which leads to attachment and alas the pattern repeats itself again and again…forever. The second cause of misery is aversion, the negative feelings one develops from unpleasant experiences. For example, if someone wrongs or offends me, I develop an aversion to that person. Each time I see them, my blood starts to boil and I wish them death (or at least a good face punch). We tend to blame our problems on everyone and everything except for ourselves. “I didn’t get the job because he/she screwed me” or “I know that dude and he completely just ignored me...the nerve!” Whether you got screwed or ignored it makes no difference; how you react to these incidents is up to you. Be it craving or aversion, the important aspect to focus on is the impermanence (anicca) of the sensation. Everything around us is constantly changing from the seasons to our aging bodies to the physical structure of the earth. When we form attachments to that which is fleeting, it ultimately results in unhappiness. While this is easy to understand for most people on the intellectual level, very few of us take the time to learn this lesson at the experiential level. Sure, we’ve all lost things that we hold near and dear and “learned” the lesson of impermanence, but without taking the time to engrain this lesson into our subconscious mind, we’re still susceptible to bouts of anger, sadness or frustration when things don’t go our way. The method of focusing on our breath and subtle bodily sensations through the lens of impermanence helps train our minds at the deepest level that all things, good or bad, will eventually come to an end.
The more I evaluated myself the more I began to see this pattern in my own life. Ask the Beard - I want a lot of things (both material and not) and most of my problems stem from different cravings, aversions and attachments, which bring little happiness. I started envisioning what life would be like if no person or occurrence could effect me, if I were completely in control of my reactions in every situation. If I could sense feelings of frustration/anger/fear and stop them before they manifested into negative thoughts or actions. If my mind could truly learn to accept that everything is finite not matter how permanent it may seem, then I could live in a state of complete peace and harmony. Sounds delightful. Until then, I guess it’s back to the nostrils for me…
In the afternoon of the tenth day, talking was permitted again and the girls dormitory was all shrieks and giggles. It felt too good to share our meditation experiences and slowly readjust ourselves to the real world, where humans make contact with one another. I felt so light and fresh but was still apprehensive to hear what the Beard had to say as he is generally very cynical of, well, everything. Much to my surprise, he was beaming too. We agreed that while some lecture topics and stories were geared more towards a South Asian audience, the overall technique and philosophy was completely logical and beneficial for people of all walks of life. We left with calm and equanimous minds knowing that like all things, our high was only a state of temporary bliss. While feelings of joy would surely come and go, by accepting this reality as yet another fleeting moment we had taken our first steps on the long road ahead.
(Vipassana Meditation courses are conducted in various locations around the globe and they are all free of cost. For anyone interested check out this link - https://www.dhamma.org/en-US/locations/directory)
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